There was never a time I wished this body to be dead.
But there was a time this body felt dead to me.
There was a time the sadness overtook every smile ive ever felt and every laugh ive ever experienced to the point that I forgot how to get out of bed in the morning.
It’s terrifying to see what our minds are capable of.
I’m not that girl who is hopelessly sad.
You’d never believe it if you saw me.
No one does.
But inside me there’s a girl fighting to keep up with this life.
Fighting to avoid becoming who she was.
Fighting to survive the constant sadness that overcomes me for no reason at all.
And thats the worst part, isnt it?
The sadness that has no explanation.
My life is perfect.
I swear, I wouldnt lie to you.
Anything I could need.
Ive got it.
But some days I am not myself.
I find myself erupting with tears if the silence becomes too much.
It hurts when I breathe. It aches.
And I cant stop it.
Oh I want to.
But some days,
Im just not strong enough.
I feel invisible. And awful. Fucking awful.
Yet some days I am alive,
and I am overwhelmingly happy.
And that’s why I’m a survivor.
Because I will never let those days of sadness take away what those days of happiness give me.
None of the greats became greats sitting at home watching Netflix.
I want to experience the world, not tweet to the latest generation.
My soul is aching to find some kind of adventure in this open book world.
I just dont understand.
How are you not all going insane with how trivial your lives have turned out to be?
As kids, we dreamt of more, so why the hell are we settling for this?
Oh my dear,
One day they will thirst for your rawness.
The way you hate your crooked smile and bottom teeth-
The way your hair can never be tamed, as well as your heart.
They will crave how real you are.
They will envy the confidence you hold within.
And although you want to hate yourself when you wake up in the morning, all vulnerable and raw-remind yourself, “This is who I really am.”
And you must never let them take that away from you.
Please do not think of me as some sappy little girl who sits near her window and is always in constant pain because someone left me or because of regrets. This is the strongest that I have ever been and I want you all to know that I am not sad, or angry, but am completely content with my…
The bruises are no longer welcome to call this body their home.
And the scratches exist only from my walks in the woods.
The thoughts no longer deem me as unworthy. And my eyes have regained their life.
I’ve found that my body no longer rejects my love like its some sort of poison and I’m learning that breathing is quite a delicate process.
I ache now and then but nothing like before. It’s strange to feel so alive again.
I have not cringed at the way my thighs fatten when I sit in my chair.
And I find satisfaction in the way my hair is incapable of being tamed.
The bump on my nose is still there and more evident than ever. But I’ve learned to love its obnoxious existence.
Their voices no longer sit inside my head or whisper terrible nothings into my ears.
My struggle to make it through each day had transformed into waking up every morning on the right side of the bed.
I cant stop laughing and smiling, it’s like my soul has been completely refurbished.
I’m so thankful for second chances. Even third and fourth chances.
I’m so thankful I didnt give up on myself those days I wanted to.