patiently waiting

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"My god yes I am beautiful"

I’m tempted to make a survey with one simple question involved:
Do you love yourself?

Because god knows my answer would be as straightforward as they come:
No.

And it’s the simple realization that 95% of the responses would be exact to mine.

Because how do we love ourselves when we’ve never been taught?
When instead we’ve been flooded with visions of beauty and haphazard descriptions of what is ‘natural’.

But it’s funny.
I’ve never seen a natural woman my entire life…

Besides before bed when I wipe the makeup from my face and recognize the girl that hides beneath.
It’s only then when I see that what my surroundings have done to me.

My eyes are puffy. My skin is too pale. My teeth are not white enough. My smile is crooked. I have so many black heads. My hair is too frizzy. My hair is too short. My stomach isn’t flat. My but is too small. My nose has a bump. I fucking hate myself.

I over analyze how to cover every imperfection that drastically makes me all that I am. I neurotically obsess over the small details that make me different than the pretty girls- that make me ‘wrong’.

But my god.
Who taught me that any part of me should ever be wrong?

The religious classes that forced down my throat that I am perfect bc I am shaped in ‘his image’. And he is perfection?
The numerous females in my life that tell me over and over and over that I am beautiful, but continually plaster their own faces in the same cosmetic?
My boyfriend who rejoices in the idea of a natural woman, but hesitates for a moment when he sees me authentically natural?

No. None if them taught me HOW to love myself. They have me reasons to say that I do. But they never gave me the tools to grow my spirit, strengthen my soul, to be nothing less than madly in love with the soul being that I am.

So let’s send out that survey, and change:
“No, I don’t love myself.”
To: “My god yes I am beautiful.”

Filed under beautiful love yourself recovery ugly body image change embrace yourself life

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She folds her arms across her chest so tightly to hold the broken pieces together.

She tells her mom she’s just tired so it doesn’t break her heart to know her daughter’s falling again.

'Cause god knows they can't go through it a third time.

Her legs are screaming as the nerve damage does it’s best to make her cringe with every step she takes.

It’s like her body’s a walking corpse-you can see the lack of life in her eyes.

Her boyfriend hugs her striving to find her breathtaking smile, but all she can manage to struggle out is a forced grimace and his faces drops with concern.

It’s not like it can be fixed.
She knows that.
She just wishes she could sleep a little longer.
Hide a little more.
Forget for awhile.
Then she’d be okay.
She’s sure of it.

Filed under depression sleep chronic illness illness struggle hope recovering battle be strong strength poetry line poetry

265,949 notes

every time you
tell your daughter
you yell at her
out of love
you teach her to confuse
anger with kindness
which seems like a good idea
till she grows up to
trust men who hurt her
cause they look so much
like you.
to fathers with daughtersrupi kaur (via rupikaur)

(via indigotocrimson)

1 note

Empty

When you say you feel empty they think it’s a figure of speech.
But its not.

You can feel a hole inside you.
Like something’s missing all of a sudden and it’s vital to your life.
Your heart is starving for some sort of love. It screams for you to fill it but you can’t seem to find the right fix.

And it’s dreadful that no one understands it.
Because everyone knows you’re sad but they don’t see it’s keeping you from being alive.
You feel purposeless no matter how hard they try to prove you’re truly worthy.

But the worst part isn’t the aching heart or the agonizing thoughts.

It’s how broken you make them with your sadness.
You can see it in their eyes as they try to tell you how beautiful you are, but you just turn away instead.
You can hear it in their voice as it crumbles when they tell you how much they love you.

It’s like your emptiness is contagious and consuming everyone you love.

But how do you stop it before it ruins everything?

Filed under empty broken depression sadness family love consuming contagious it will be okay tomorrow seasonal affective disorder

52,917 notes

internal-acceptance-movement:

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF DURING A BAD BODY IMAGE DAY:
1. Recognize that fat isn’t a feeling.
There are always underlying emotions that we attach to feeling fat. When the “I feel fat” thoughts start up, try to identify what you’re feeling underneath the body dissatisfaction. Are you feeling lonely? Anxious? Invisible? Scared? Ashamed? Inadequate? Whatever the feelings are recognize that they are separate from your body. 
2. Treat yourself as you would a friend.
Because it’s difficult to be kind to ourselves in the moment when the body hating thoughts take over, try responding to your thoughts as if you were supporting a friend. What would you say to someone you loved who was battling your same struggle with body image?
You wouldn’t tell them to not eat for the day in order to compensate for what they ate the previous night. You wouldn’t tell them to punish themselves for their body size through over-exercise, self-harm, or abusive eating habits. You wouldn’t tell them they were worthless or unloveable because of their weight. So why do you tell yourself these things? Break the cycle and start treating yourself like a friend—you deserve that kindness and love from everyone, especially yourself. 
3. Recognize that you are so much more than the size of your body. 
What you look like does not define you. It doesn’t discount your worth as a human being. You are so much more than a number on the scale. As a living, breathing, feeling human being you have inherent value. You are special and important and loved. You exist and therefore you matter.
Your appearance is such a small part of who you are, and it certainly doesn’t warrant enough power to discount the person you are inside. You aren’t your body or your weight—you are your goals and dreams and passions and values. You are your strengths and talents and insight. You are a soul and a spirit and a force of nature. Your body does not define you. 
4. Shift your focus from the external to the internal.
Make a list of all the people you look up to and are inspired by—not because of their weight or appearance, but because of who they are and what they do. Write out all the qualities they have that make you appreciate and value them.
Use the list as a reminder that it’s the internal things—our dreams and passions and goals and morals and insight and character—that truly define who we are and draw people to us; not how we look.
You are no exception to this. Try making your own list of things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with appearance or body size. If you have a difficult time creating one, ask some friends and family to help you. 
5. Think about what you want to be remembered for after you die.
I don’t want people to remember me for what I looked like, what size jeans I wore, or what I weighed. I want to be remembered for the person I am. I want to be remembered as someone who brought about positive change in the world. I want to be remembered as loving friend, partner, and family member. I want to be remembered for my passions and my creativity and my strength. I want to be remembered as someone who made a difference. What do you want your legacy to be? Chances are, it doesn’t have to do with weight.
6. Instead of focusing on the size of your body, start focusing on what your body allows you to do. 
The human body is an incredible force. When we get caught up in the number on the scale and size of clothes however, we forget just how lucky we are to have a fully functioning vehicle to engage in life with. So stop hating your body for the way it looks and start acknowledging and appreciating your body for all that it allows you to do.
Make a list of each activity and feat your body helps you to partake in and accomplish. If you want to be even more specific, list out each body part and describe all the things you wouldn’t be able to do without it. Your body is strong, powerful, and beautiful, regardless of it’s size. Choose to treat it with love, compassion, and gratitude instead of hate and judgement. 
7. Challenge your negative thoughts.
You may not be able to change the way you feel about your body today, tomorrow, or a month from now, but you can begin the process by challenging the thoughts in the moment. Write out a dialogue between your negative voice and a healthy voice. If you have a hard time coming up with positive counters to the negative thoughts, pretend that you are speaking positively about a friend or loved one.
Even if you don’t believe the things you say to counter the voice, it’s still important to speak out against it, because each time you argue with the thoughts, you are taking away some of their power and reclaiming your own. The more you challenge the thoughts, the less you will believe them. The more you argue back, the easier fighting the voice will become. 
8. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.
There is a lot of built up energy and emotion underlying the way we feel about our bodies. Holding in how we feel or engaging in behaviors to numb out may make us feel better in the moment, but in the long run, it doesn’t remedy the pain we feel. It doesn’t make us feel better and it keeps us stuck.  
Releasing the energy and painful emotions underlying our body shame requires us to feel our feelings. Whether that means throwing a tantrum on the floor, venting to a friend on the phone, punching a pillow, screaming in your car, or crying in bed, you need to allow yourself to feel your feelings. Let go of the judgement you have about what you feel and recognize that you are feeling these things for a reason. Give yourself permission to release your emotions and let everything out. 
9. Do self care.
When you’re struggling with body image, distract yourself with healthy coping mechanisms. Take a bubble bath, get a message, ask for a back scratch, cuddle with a pet, make plans with a supportive friend, watch your favorite movie, get a manicure, listening to calming music, do deep breathing—whatever it is, make sure it’s something self-soothing and helps you get out of your head.
10. Be kind with yourself.
You may not be able to control the way you feel about your body, but you can control what you do in response to how you feel.
Instead of beating yourself up, you can choose to treat yourself with compassion. Instead of engaging in unhealthy and abusive behaviors, you can choose to do self-care. Instead of treating your body as an enemy, you can choose to treat it as a friend. Instead of isolating yourself, you can choose to reach out for support and surround yourself with positive people who make you feel loved and accepted. Instead of agreeing with the negative thoughts, you can choose to challenge them. 
***You have more power than you think—don’t let the way you feel about your body keep you from living.
Coping with bad body image days may not be easy, but it is possible.
Don’t give up.
You aren’t alone.
Things can and will get better.

internal-acceptance-movement:

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF DURING A BAD BODY IMAGE DAY:

1. Recognize that fat isn’t a feeling.

There are always underlying emotions that we attach to feeling fat. When the “I feel fat” thoughts start up, try to identify what you’re feeling underneath the body dissatisfaction. Are you feeling lonely? Anxious? Invisible? Scared? Ashamed? Inadequate? Whatever the feelings are recognize that they are separate from your body. 

2. Treat yourself as you would a friend.

Because it’s difficult to be kind to ourselves in the moment when the body hating thoughts take over, try responding to your thoughts as if you were supporting a friend. What would you say to someone you loved who was battling your same struggle with body image?

You wouldn’t tell them to not eat for the day in order to compensate for what they ate the previous night. You wouldn’t tell them to punish themselves for their body size through over-exercise, self-harm, or abusive eating habits. You wouldn’t tell them they were worthless or unloveable because of their weight. So why do you tell yourself these things? Break the cycle and start treating yourself like a friend—you deserve that kindness and love from everyone, especially yourself. 

3. Recognize that you are so much more than the size of your body. 

What you look like does not define you. It doesn’t discount your worth as a human being. You are so much more than a number on the scale. As a living, breathing, feeling human being you have inherent value. You are special and important and loved. You exist and therefore you matter.

Your appearance is such a small part of who you are, and it certainly doesn’t warrant enough power to discount the person you are inside. You aren’t your body or your weight—you are your goals and dreams and passions and values. You are your strengths and talents and insight. You are a soul and a spirit and a force of nature. Your body does not define you. 

4. Shift your focus from the external to the internal.

Make a list of all the people you look up to and are inspired by—not because of their weight or appearance, but because of who they are and what they do. Write out all the qualities they have that make you appreciate and value them.

Use the list as a reminder that it’s the internal things—our dreams and passions and goals and morals and insight and character—that truly define who we are and draw people to us; not how we look.

You are no exception to this. Try making your own list of things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with appearance or body size. If you have a difficult time creating one, ask some friends and family to help you. 

5. Think about what you want to be remembered for after you die.

I don’t want people to remember me for what I looked like, what size jeans I wore, or what I weighed. I want to be remembered for the person I am. I want to be remembered as someone who brought about positive change in the world. I want to be remembered as loving friend, partner, and family member. I want to be remembered for my passions and my creativity and my strength. I want to be remembered as someone who made a difference. What do you want your legacy to be? Chances are, it doesn’t have to do with weight.

6. Instead of focusing on the size of your body, start focusing on what your body allows you to do. 

The human body is an incredible force. When we get caught up in the number on the scale and size of clothes however, we forget just how lucky we are to have a fully functioning vehicle to engage in life with. So stop hating your body for the way it looks and start acknowledging and appreciating your body for all that it allows you to do.

Make a list of each activity and feat your body helps you to partake in and accomplish. If you want to be even more specific, list out each body part and describe all the things you wouldn’t be able to do without it. Your body is strong, powerful, and beautiful, regardless of it’s size. Choose to treat it with love, compassion, and gratitude instead of hate and judgement. 

7. Challenge your negative thoughts.

You may not be able to change the way you feel about your body today, tomorrow, or a month from now, but you can begin the process by challenging the thoughts in the moment. Write out a dialogue between your negative voice and a healthy voice. If you have a hard time coming up with positive counters to the negative thoughts, pretend that you are speaking positively about a friend or loved one.

Even if you don’t believe the things you say to counter the voice, it’s still important to speak out against it, because each time you argue with the thoughts, you are taking away some of their power and reclaiming your own. The more you challenge the thoughts, the less you will believe them. The more you argue back, the easier fighting the voice will become. 

8. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.

There is a lot of built up energy and emotion underlying the way we feel about our bodies. Holding in how we feel or engaging in behaviors to numb out may make us feel better in the moment, but in the long run, it doesn’t remedy the pain we feel. It doesn’t make us feel better and it keeps us stuck.  

Releasing the energy and painful emotions underlying our body shame requires us to feel our feelings. Whether that means throwing a tantrum on the floor, venting to a friend on the phone, punching a pillow, screaming in your car, or crying in bed, you need to allow yourself to feel your feelings. Let go of the judgement you have about what you feel and recognize that you are feeling these things for a reason. Give yourself permission to release your emotions and let everything out. 

9. Do self care.

When you’re struggling with body image, distract yourself with healthy coping mechanisms. Take a bubble bath, get a message, ask for a back scratch, cuddle with a pet, make plans with a supportive friend, watch your favorite movie, get a manicure, listening to calming music, do deep breathing—whatever it is, make sure it’s something self-soothing and helps you get out of your head.

10. Be kind with yourself.

You may not be able to control the way you feel about your body, but you can control what you do in response to how you feel.

Instead of beating yourself up, you can choose to treat yourself with compassion. Instead of engaging in unhealthy and abusive behaviors, you can choose to do self-care. Instead of treating your body as an enemy, you can choose to treat it as a friend. Instead of isolating yourself, you can choose to reach out for support and surround yourself with positive people who make you feel loved and accepted. Instead of agreeing with the negative thoughts, you can choose to challenge them. 

***You have more power than you thinkdon’t let the way you feel about your body keep you from living.

Coping with bad body image days may not be easy, but it is possible.

Don’t give up.

You aren’t alone.

Things can and will get better.

(via iwillbreakandheal)